Coming Home
by TerryJ
Summary: A series of in-between scenes starting just after "Disaster Relief" and going through "Abu El Banat". Jed & Abbey focus but most folks make appearances. **UPDATED and COMPLETE**
1. Chapter 1

_Standard Disclaimer, Not my characters yada yada yada. Hope you enjoy._

_I noticed that in Constituency of One Jed is very clearly not talking with Abbey but in Separation of Powers Abbey says she asked Jed not to come; implying that at the very least they spoke. I figured something happened after CJ's confrontation with him on the plane in Disaster Relief. By the Benign Prerogative things seemed to be going pretty well. This story is about the personal transition behind those episodes._

This first chapter takes place immediately after 5.6, Disaster Relief.

* * *

CJ Cregg shifted her weight and unconsciously reached down and adjusted her waistband. She had come straight to Leo's office from Andrews and was anxious to get to her office so she could change out of her day old clothes before she went back to work. She mentally cataloged all that had been left unfinished, waiting at her desk before the tornado.

What a cluster. She mentally berated herself again.

She tensed as she heard familiar footsteps.

"What the hell CJ! I don't even know what to say. Don't know what to say." Leo met her eyes briefly as he entered the room but quickly returned to the folder in his hands as he navigated around her and behind his desk, continuing to lecture without looking up. "I don't need to tell you how many ways this was a screw up from the beginning and how much crap this has caused."

CJ nodded her head slightly, "Leo, trust me, I know..."

He cut her off by dropping the papers he held on to the desk and piercing her with an unforgiving eye, "Trust you? Like I trusted you when you told me 6 hours 30 some-odd hours ago?"

CJ bit her tongue and for a moment the two white house officials stared at each other in silence.

Leo broke the stare first, shaking his head. "You mismanaged it from the start CJ. You shouldn't have encouraged him to go in the first place and"

This time CJ was the one to cut Leo off, "It wasn't wrong to go Leo. No, it wasn't wrong to go. You can't blame me for trying to orchestrate a real positive presidential moment at a time when they have become far too rare around here!"

"And you did a bang up job of that!" Leo snarled.

CJ sighed and put a hand to her forehead. She wiped at some invisible dirt and her fingers lingered on her cheek for a moment before she took a deep breath and shook her head. When she spoke again it was in a quiet, defeated voice, "Look, Leo, I understand that you're pissed and you should be and I even understand that you're angry at me and that's okay too but I don't want to do this. I fought with him today and I don't want to fight with you too. I just don't have the emotional reserves."

"Well that's too bad CJ..."

She cut him off again with the wave of her hand and Leo stared at her, incredulous.

"No, really Leo. I have a ton of work left so I'm going to hole up in my office for a few hours and try to get caught up and then get a couple hours of sleep. First thing in the morning I'll be here and I will let you continue to yell at me and we can discuss how I could better force the President of the United States to do something he is dead set against. I'll be here and have that conversation then, I just can't do that now."

She paused to gauge Leo's reaction. The glare was still in his eyes but the stony lines on his face had eased. Instead of leaving then she turned her head to be sure the door was closed and took a step closer to the desk.

"Before I go I do need to say this; and not as the Press Secretary to the Chief of Staff but as CJ Cregg to Leo McGarry, Jed Bartlett's best friend..." she paused, breathing deep again.

At her last words Leo's face transformed, eyes widening and the tension slid off his face and into his posture.

"Leo, he's struggling. Zoey, Mrs. Bartlett, congress...he didn't want to leave because he felt like he was helping, he had control and was doing good. The inverse meaning that he has no sense of control here. He was running away Leo. Something I NEVER thought I would see from this man and not only does that scare me, it saddens me too. I'm not going to pretend to know him like you do or that I understand your relationship but I know he's struggling and I'm sorry that I'm over the line here but I really think he needs a best friend more than a Chief of Staff right now."

CJ bit her lip and made meaningful eye contact with Leo, nonverbally communicating her need for him to get the President back to them. Leo blinked and ducked his head, clearing his throat. CJ waited another moment than nodded and left the room with a quiet promise to be back tomorrow.

Leo dropped into his chair and brought his fingers to his lips, lost in thought. He knew CJ was right, he knew this was where they were headed months ago when he told Jed that Danny was going to post the Sharif story and Jed's eyes fixated on his wife across the room.

As the weeks passed he had seen the evidence of his friend's shaken self; meetings in the residence, papers strewn on every table. The pillow and blanket on the couch in the sitting room, evidence that the president had not been sleeping in his own bed for months. He even thought that Jed had worn the same tie every day last week. Everything screamed that his best friend had given up caring. There was no fight, no fire in his eyes.

Leo should have put a stop to it as soon as Jed told him that Bob Russell was going to be the next VP. He should have flatly demanded enough is enough and ordered CJ to put together a PR plan that would have the public demand congress confirm Berryhill given his qualifications. He should have told the DNC to go to hell and then he should have forced Jed to sit down and talk. He should have been the friend that he always claimed himself to be.

But he didn't. He thought he was helping by shielding him from a fight, smoothing the road and not forcing him to think about everything that was eating away at him. It was as if he didn't know Jed Bartlett at all.

Leo let his fist fall to the wooden desk and stood up with determination.

"Margaret!"

The red head appeared in the doorway, "Yes?"

"Have Charlie give me the first minute the president has after the German Chancellor leaves."


	2. Chapter 2

_The story is mostly complete but the later chapters are still being beta'd so I'm posting only a few chapters at a time; should be all up by the weekend._

* * *

It turned out the first minute the president had was nearly 9pm. Leo stopped at the door between their offices and removed his tie; this would not be mistaken for a business discussion.

He knocked once and entered without waiting for the okay. Bartlett was behind the desk, rearranging papers into folders and shoving them unceremoniously into his valise.

"Glad to see you back." Although Leo held enough to protocol not to use his friend's first name, especially in the Oval, he figured he could signal his casual intents by withholding the ever present 'sir'.

Jed looked up briefly and gave an acknowledging grunt.

Leo stood quietly waiting for a moment. Without looking up Jed spoke, "Listen, do me a favor okay? Don't be pissed at CJ. She tried to keep it on track but I railroaded her. I thought we should stay. If you're going to be angry let it be at me but give CJ a break, okay?"

Leo nodded, "I'm not pissed. Like I said, just glad to see you back." He kept his tone open and sincere.

Jed glanced over the rim of his glasses to make eye contact with Leo for the first time, "I thought you were being sarcastic."

Leo shook his head, "No."

Jed looked confused for the breadth of a second before nodding and returning his focus to the desk.

"So I guess I missed a few things around here?" he spoke again without looking up.

Leo nodded, "A bit. With the Germans out the door there's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow."

"So then why are you standing there like you need to tell me something?" Jed kept his focus on the papers.

Leo rocked on his feet and cast about his mind for what he could use as an opening. "Actually," he began once he had formulated a plan, "And this isn't easy for me to say...but, well it's been a rough couple of days and I'm feeling a little too tense to focus, I've been thinking I need to distract my brain."

Jed put his folder down and straightened, regarding Leo with a critical eye. "What are you talking about? Are you okay? I know you haven't been to a meeting since the thing with Hoynes..."

Leo's heart broke, a bad fight with the Republicans was all it took for Jed to be worried about Leo's well being but when Jed's daughter was kidnapped and his wife effectively left him Leo had left him to deal with it on his own. His already burdensome guilt blossomed.

"No, no, no. I just meant maybe some chess. You know, order some tissue paper thin deli meat, whiskey for you, seltzer for me, and a chess board. We could make a night of it, be just a couple of guys playing chess and eating prosciutto."

Leo had formulated this plan as a way to get Jed to relax and talk to him but as he spoke he realized how much he really wanted that evening for himself as well. Jed wasn't the only one worn down by the last 6 months, the whole staff was feeling it. It had been too long since a poker or chess night. Leo began to think maybe he really did need Jed to say yes even more than he thought.

The man in question nodded slowly. "Okay, but to be honest I don't really feel up to a chess match tonight. The African Queen is showing on one of the cable stations, I was going to watch it. Why don't you come on up."

Not exactly what he was looking for and the President not being 'up to a chess match' set off alarm bells in Leo's brain but he would take what he could get and he nodded his agreement. "Okay."

Jed glanced at his watch. "Look, I haven't called Zoey yet today so I'm going to do that, why don't you come up in about 30 minutes." Without waiting for a response Jed flipped his briefcase closed and left the room.

Leo watched him leave but didn't move right away himself. He reflected on everything he knew, all the signs his friend was showing and suddenly felt this may be a bigger challenge than he thought. A couple glasses of whiskey and a quick talk wasn't going to fix this. For a moment he considered calling Abbey but he knew his boundaries and even as a best friend he wasn't going to insert himself into _that._

He needed help, but it wasn't going to be there. He went back to his office and called to Margaret.

"I'm going to be going to the residence for a couple of hours. I'll have my beeper but no phone calls and don't send anyone up there to find me unless there's a nuclear bomb involved."

Margaret nodded. "Will you be back?" Leo looked at his desk and grimaced, "Yeah, later, but you should go home when I head up."

She nodded again and turned to leave when he stopped her,"You can actually leave now but first, do this; get Stanley Keyworth on the phone before you head out."


	3. Chapter 3

When Leo got upstairs he found Jed already in the sitting room. The incriminating pillow and blanket, the tell of Jed's unstable personal reality, had been moved to the chair in the corner and he was sitting on the couch hunched over what appeared to be the daily memo regarding the appropriations negotiations. Leo sighed heavily; he was not looking forward to the final budget process, especially now that he had to bench Josh.

Jed heard the sigh and looked up at Leo and as if reading his mind he asked, "Are we going to be screwed without Josh in the room on this?" Not wanting to get lost in a discussion on the negotiations Leo shrugged, "Angela is a quick study. We'll be fine."

Seeming to accept his comment at face value Jed nodded and closed the memo, moving it back into the bag at his feet. "C'mon, take a seat. It's not prosciutto but we have some triscuts and cheddar to munch on. We can order up something for dinner later; unless you're hungry now?"

Leo shook his head as he moved into the room and took his place on the other end of the couch. "I'm not, but I'm surprised you're not. You eat on the plane?"

Jed shook his head, "Nah. Just not hungry."

He stood and moved to the television, searching for the remote. Leo took the opportunity to watch him and reflect on more details he might have missed. A day ago he would not have even registered the not being hungry comment but now he tried to think back and remember if Jed had been eating well. He didn't remember the last time he saw him eat more than a cookie or cracker that was out on one of the trays around the office but that didn't mean he wasn't. The two of them hadn't taken any meeting over meals recently and there was really no other reason to watch the man eat.

Leo watched as his friend moved around the room; he was visibly tired and the stress could be seen in the lines around his eyes and the tension in his shoulders. He didn't appear gaunt but then again Jed had always had a broad frame, Leo doubted a hunger strike would make the man look gaunt.

Finally Leo decided to hell with it and went for the direct approach, "Have you been taking care of yourself?"

Jed froze and turned from where had been looking in the drawers. "What?"

Leo sighed, "I just mean...aw hell Jed, you know what I mean."

Jed's eyebrows rose at the unusual sound of his own name. "I assure you, I do not." His voice was even but his eyes were dark and piercing.

Leo rolled his eyes at the deflection, "You think I can't tell what's going on? I already know you haven't been sleeping for the past five months I'm just asking if you've been neglecting yourself in other ways as I know you tend to do from time to time when no one reminds you that you're, you know, human."

Jed gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes and shoved his hands in his jean pockets, the hunt for the remote forgotten. "Yes, well thanks for that. I had forgotten that it's been a little quiet around here while my wife is 500 miles away with my traumatized daughter but I'm glad you brought that up."

Leo held up his hands, "I'm just asking."

"I would think you'd be happy, with the girls in New Hampshire the White House can be clear of this distracted father and husband nonsense and all of my time can be 100% focused on the job!" Jed snapped heatedly.

"Well that's been a roaring success lately hasn't it?!" Leo matched Jed's biting sneer with angry sarcasm. He immediately felt bad but the notion that he'd be happy about the Bartlett's splintering home life in favor of the job was a painful barb.

Jed harumphed and rolled his eyes again in response. His hands grasped the back of the chair in front of him and he seemed to deflate as he leaned heavily upon it, eyes focused on some random spot on the wall.

"You too? What a day." He murmured almost to himself.

Leo breathed slowly and forced himself to calm down and reply quietly, "Yeah. CJ mentioned you fought."

At his words Jed straightened and looked squarely at Leo, anger and consternation again flashing across his face.

"That's what this is about?" He demanded, "The chess match, needing to distract your brain, a couple of guys just hanging out? Some brilliant plan to what exactly? Tell me CJ is right? That I've been a sucky leader and president for the past 5 months? Buck me up and make me fight back at congress? Tell me I haven't been focused on the job? Some tough love to knock everything back into alignment before the damn budget negotiations?! Was that what this was? Because I'm sorry if I've let details of my personal life and my family's welfare distract me a little bit and if that's been difficult for you to handle. You may have talked me into becoming a killer Leo but I haven't learned to be completely cold hearted yet. Don't worry though; I'm sure I'll get it right by the end of the term!"

Jed's eyes were on fire, his hands clenched and unclenched. He regretted the last bit about the Sharif incident but he didn't let it show. He was hurting and wanted Leo to hurt too.

Leo understood this. Too many times he had seen Jed strike out at others when he was struggling himself and he knew Jed was just trying to bait him. It almost worked. It had hit too close to the truth; the truth that Leo carried not just the guilt of orchestrating someone's death but at drawing the best person he knew down into the…what had Jed once called it? The spiral of darkness. That guilt, pushing Jed to give the order, weighed on him heavily.

But he put that aside tonight. Forced himself to stand and look his best friend in the eye and respond with an easy, measured tone, "You're almost right. I didn't come here tonight for some tough love. Just regular old love."

Jed didn't say anything but his hands unclenched and went back in his pockets. He face remained impassive and his stance defensive but Leo took his silence as indication to continue.

Leo looked around the room and shifted his weight. "I've been a sucky friend to you and I'm sorry. I had assumed the best way I could help these few months is to stay focused on the job and make that part of your life as manageable as possible. Of course that was never going to work but in the meantime I forgot to be a friend and I think it's time I got my head out of my ass and remembered. I know this has been tough for you. I know as long as you live that fear for Zoey will stay with you and I know for as long as things are...whatever they are with you and Abbey that your heart is going to be broken in two. I don't expect that to end and I don't expect that to go away even when you're in the Oval Office. What I do know is that you are good man who loves people and you don't do well alone and yet that's what I've done, left you alone for 5 months. Oh I knew you were struggling and I let it go because you are a strong man and can deal with it all as long as I kept things on track at work. But no one is super human and you can't do it all on your own forever. When you wouldn't come back from Oklahoma it was because you were running away, something I didn't think Josiah Bartlet was capable of...ever. And when I realized that, I realized my own folly. So I'm here saying let me be a friend because you need one and I'm sorry it's taken me this long."

Jed's gaze had dropped from Leo's as he had spoke. His eyes stayed near his feet as he pursed his lips and breathed even and slow breaths.

He nodded his head once, "Okay."

Leo looked at him questioningly, "What?"

Jed met his gaze again, all aggression gone, replaced with a forlorn expression, "Okay." He again stated simply. "Thanks. I appreciate that. Not tonight though. I have reading to catch up on and I'm beat, didn't really sleep at all last night. I'll see you tomorrow."

Leo's heart broke, despite Jed's words he knew his offer was being dismissed. He would allow that for now, but not before letting Jed know how serious he was, "Okay, I'll go but I want you to know I've called Stanley Keyworth."

Jed's head shot up and he practically growled, "What?"

Leo resolved to stand his ground, "He's in Bethesda through the end of the year on contract with Walter Reed working with returning soldiers. You need to talk to someone. I'm happy to be that person but I think you and I know that you're not going to come to me. So I called him. Stanley's going to be around tomorrow evening."

Jed's eyes narrowed and he was so still that Leo feared he had forgotten to breathe. "I think it's best if you leave now."

Leo nodded, he never assumed this would be easy and he wasn't going to try and stay and possibly make things worse. "Okay," he acquiesced, "But do this one thing for me; don't ever forget that I love ya Jed. I really do. Everything else is temporary."

Jed didn't move so Leo nodded once more and left the room.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning if anyone noticed that things were tense between the President and his Chief of Staff, no one said anything. In fact the whole day operated with an air of efficiency. The staff relaxed, sensing that the trip to Oklahoma had somehow rejuvenated the president and he was back and focusing on getting things done.

Only Leo really knew everything was so efficient because the President wanted to spend as little time with his Chief of Staff as possible.

It was an exhausting way to run an office and Jed left for the residence as soon as he could justify. His singular thought was to read through the 500 page report from General Alexander in the relative peace and quiet of his study. As soon as he opened the door to the study he froze and forgot his intent when saw Stanley Keyworth sitting in his typical chair by the fireplace.

He quickly overcame his surprise and continued into the room. "When Leo told me you'd be around this evening I assumed he meant in DC and available if I wanted to call you, I didn't realize he meant here in the building." He observed casually.

Stanley stood, "Good Evening, Sir. Leo insinuated that you might not call and but I should just come in and wait for you here."

Jed took a deep breath and continued to the desk, unpacking his briefcase. "Well I'm sorry Stanley but tonight's just not the night. I am swamped with reading."

Stanley nodded, "Okay sir. When is?"

Jed looked up from his briefcase, "When is what?"

"If tonight's not the night, when is?"

Jed grimaced and returned his attention to his files. "Stanley, I'm sorry. Leo and I had a miscommunication. I don't know what he told you but there really is no need to schedule anything."

Stanley nodded in that patient way that he had, "Are you sure? We haven't talked in a while and I imagine there's been some stuff on your mind. It's no problem to schedule things here while I'm in Maryland."

Jed put down what he was fidgeting with and turned to face Stanley head on. His smile appeared light and sincere, "Thank you Stanley, but really, I'm fine. I'll clear it up with Leo in the morning."

Stanley nodded, "Okay sir."

"Good." Jed turned back to go back to the desk when Stanley stopped him.

"Before I go, do you mind if I ask you something sir?"

Jed turned back, "Yeah, sure."

Stanley took a deep breath, covering his hesitation, "Last year, when we met before your New York trip you asked me about if there was a crime I would do if it wasn't illegal. That was about Sharif? The strange meeting, difficult decision you were referring to; it was Sharif, wasn't it?"

Jed's smile slid off his face as the forced air of nonchalance left the room. He took a deep breath, and nodded slowly, "Yep. It was."

Stanley pursed his lips, "You could have told me that."

Jed tilted his head, "What?"

Still standing Stanley clasped his hands together, "That day you told me that I know you wanted to tell me the whole thing but you said couldn't, that I would have to report you. But I wouldn't have and you could have told me, it would have been safe. I just want you to know you could have told me. It would have been safe."

Jed bowed his head.

Stanley took the opportunity to keep talking, "The first time we talked you told me to treat you as I would any other patient. I've kept up that veneer but let's be honest; you're not any other patient. You are the President of the United States. Of course the issues that plague your consciousness are different and more complicated than the average person. I also assume that for a myriad of reasons it's more difficult for you to confide in people, even those you might otherwise be willing to. I want you to know that I know that and this space here, between you and me is a safe space. For everything."

Jed sighed and looked Stanley steadily in the eye. "Thank you for that. I do appreciate it."

Stanley cast his eyes about the room, "Are you sure there is nothing you'd like to talk about while I'm here, sir?"

Jed's eyes landed on a framed picture on the desk and he smiled wanly. "I was scared when my daughter was in danger and I miss my wife whom I haven't seen since July." He returned his attention back to the other man in the room, the smile reforming into a smirk, "How's that for different and more complicated than the average person?"


	5. Chapter 5

Jed sat back and breathed deep. He was tired. He had been tired since May but he was really tired now.

In the end he and Stanley hadn't talked much about anything significant, but spent nearly 2 hours catching up and bouncing from topic to topic, everything from basketball to Mars. Jed realized he hadn't had someone to just talk with for a while. He'd been surrounded by people and had bantered with Leo and forced Charlie into late night card games but there was always a line, a facade to maintain. Even with Leo, his best friend, he was the president first. He was just realizing he hadn't relaxed in months.

He leaned his head back and reflected on how lonely he was. Without thinking his hand picked up the phone on the table next to him and dialed the number he knew by heart.

"Hello?"

"Abbey."

"Jed?" Her voice held the tension of concern. Not only had they not seen each other since July their conversations had been few and far between, most often when Zoey had forced the phone into her mother's hand and they had stilted conversation for their daughter's sake. His calling out of the blue after 9 at night was sure to ring her alarm bells.

"It's okay, there's nothing wrong."

She was quiet on the other end of the line, "Were you trying to reach Zoey?"

"No."

"Jed." She was tired too. He could hear it in her voice. God, he missed her voice.

"I just miss you." He hadn't meant to say it out loud.

There was silence on the other end of the line. He pictured her swallowing and blinking, unsure how to respond to his uncharacteristic simplicity.

"Jed, are you sure everything is okay?"

He sighed. "Yeah. Well, mostly. Or maybe not. Leo forced me into a meeting with Stanley."

"You're calling me because your therapist told you to?" her tone was incredulous.

He let loose a rumble from his chest, "No. He and I actually didn't talk about much or have a real session. I resented that Leo set it up. I just mentioned it, because I guess it's not true that nothing is wrong if my best friend and chief of staff is springing therapists at me."

"Okay."

He sighed, eyes again falling on the picture on his desk. He fixated on it. "Tell me about your day."

"Jed. What is this? You can't just call out of the blue and pretend like..."

"I'm not pretending anything Abbey. I'm not...It's not...I just miss you and want to listen to your voice."

It was quiet on the other end of the line. When she spoke again it was a sad whisper, "Jed..."

"Please. I'm not asking...I'm not...I just want to know what you did today."

He heard her sigh and the muffled sound of movement. After what seemed to be an eternity he worried she had hung up and he had simply missed the sound of the click. He was lost in thought when she startled him back to the present, "Well I suppose you realize we're approaching the end of the apple season up here. So this morning Julie came down to help prep for the open pick this weekend and Liz brought Gus and Annie up after school to let them get a head start..."

Jed closed his eyes and smiled. As Abbey told him about Liz's endless battles with Annie and Zoey's attempts at baking Jed allowed himself to only peripherally listen to her words, instead absorbing her tone and inflection. He was feeling the tugs of sleep when she stopped.

"That's really it Jed, there's really not much more to say."

He cleared his throat. "Thank you. I know...I know, there's...between you and I; well...just thank you."

She was quiet. He knew he had to have thrown her off. "You're welcome."

"Well, I guess I'll let you get to bed." He cleared his throat, "Abbey, do you mind, if maybe I call you again later this week?"

A long pause again. "That would be fine."

"Okay. I'll talk to you then I guess..."

"Jed?" She interrupted before he could hang up.

"Yeah?"

"I miss you too."

Then there was a click and silence.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day after another fast paced meeting in the oval Leo, CJ and Toby returned to Leo's office.

"Toby I'm telling you we can't move on the State of the Union until we're done with this budget negotiation. We need all communication coming from this White House to be that we are working with congress but we don't want to play up hopes too high, there is a good chance we could end up with another CR and I don't want it to play like a loss for us if we do."

Toby groaned, "Leo! Another CR IS a loss for us. That would be the third! We can NOT, can NOT have another CR. What would it be? 60 days? So that's perfect, a budget fight AGAIN a month before the State of the Union. Another CR would derail us completely!"

Leo shrugged, unfazed by Toby's ire, "Yeah well I'm just saying it's a possibility."

Toby shook his head. "How are we okay with settling for that?"

"What are our choices?" CJ asked.

Toby threw his hands up, "How about NOT settling for a third CR? How about this White House summons some strength, stands up and tells the congress to stop dickin' us around?!"

Leo bit back the "What strength?" comeback he wanted to lash out with, opting instead for the more passive and exasperated option, "We're doing what we do. If we get the sense it's heading in a direction we don't like we'll deal with it but right now we're doing this and you need to breathe. Okay?"

Toby made a grumbling noise but acquiesced. "Okay well I need to go, I have an interview as I need to finish hiring the last two people for the speech writing staff seeing as my deputy was absconded before he had the chance to finish!"

CJ and Leo watched Toby stalk out of the room. When he was gone CJ turned back to Leo.

"What?" he prompted

"Diane Mathers has been pestering my office."

"For what?"

CJ didn't say anything.

Leo looked up at her impatiently, "For what CJ? I don't exactly have time to sit here and play 20 questions about what Diane Mathers wants."

"Zoey." CJ bit her lip.

Leo sat down heavily. CJ rushed to share her thought, "I don't think she should do it."

Leo looked up, "You don't?"

"No."

Leo nodded. "Okay, so why bring it up?"

CJ hesitated, "She's the biggest name and she only waited this long because she's smart but she's not the only one nor the first. The press isn't going to stop asking until someone scores a sit and talk with her. The walk about in July was good to quench their thirst then, let them see she was alive and relatively healthy but they aren't going to stop until they get to talk to her."

Leo pinched his nose, "Why? I mean other than cheap tabloid interest?"

CJ shrugged, "The same reason why the gate was covered with flowers and candles. She's America's daughter and her kidnapping wasn't just an attack on the Bartletts, it was an attack on America."

Leo upturned a palm on the desk, "So you think she should do it?"

CJ held up a hand, "I think eventually she should do something, eventually, when they all think it's okay. I do not think it should be Diane. She is a much tougher interview than people think."

Leo nodded thoughtfully, "Okay, let's go." He stood and gestured that CJ should lead the way through the door. He took the opportunity to admire the way she moved. CJ may be an even bigger klutz than the president but she could move with a simple grace that had escaped Leo since Hanoi. He subconsciously stretched his leg as they entered the Oval.

He let CJ explain to the president what she had told him. Finally the president nodded his assent.

"Okay. But we leave it to the girls. We can set something up if Zoey wants to and we'll only ask her if Abbey is okay with it."

CJ nodded, "Okay. I'll call her this afternoon?"

The President shook his head dismissively, "Nah, I'll do it."

Leo and CJ shared a quick surprised glance.

"Oh. Okay. Well have her call me when you know...or, or you could...someone let me know and I'll help set it up."

The president nodded in bemusement.

"Leo, I'll be in my office..." CJ gesticulated over her shoulder and left the room at Leo's nod.

He remained where he stood, waiting as the president sorted through the things on his desk. Without looking up the President murmured, "You know I resent the hell out of you shoving Stanley down my throat."

Leo nodded, "The log book shows he didn't leave until after nine."

Jed looked at him, "I resent the hell out of it Leo."

Leo nodded and turned to leave the room. At the door he paused, "You'll call Abbey?"

Jed nodded, "Yeah, I'll call."

Leo smiled to himself and left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

"When you asked if you could call this week I assumed I'd have to wait at least 24 hours."

Her words were sarcastic but her tone was warmer than it had been the previous evening.

"Can't blame me for being impatient to hear your voice."

"After 4 months?"

Jed took in a sharp breath but ignored the comment, "Well, something has come up."

"What is it?"

"CJ's being hounded to greenlight a sit down interview with Zo."

"Who?" The question was quiet.

"I don't know. Diane Mathers I guess was most recent."

"Zoey was angry about that article with Jean Paul's interview."

"I know. I figured she might jump on this, but I didn't want to tell her until you had a chance to think about it."

"I appreciate it...You think she should do it?"

"CJ made some valid points."

"So then you do?"

He took a deep breath. "I agree on the merit and I think she should do something along these lines eventually but I'm not there. I haven't seen her since you left and I'm not going to make a decision about what I think my daughter should do based on 20 minute phone calls."

"Jed. You agreed." Abbey's voice had turned sharp and defensive.

"I did. And I'm not making an accusation. I still agree that it was best to go up there and I'm not complaining that I… I'm just saying this can't be my call."

"Okay. Okay." Abbey relaxed, breathing into the phone, "She's been good. Dr. Francis has been pretty pleased and the positive attitude she's been calling with isn't a put on. I don't think she's hiding anything when she talks with you. I think it may be okay. I'll talk to her."

"Okay. Thank you."

After a beat of silence Abbey spoke, "You want me to tell you about my day again?"

A smile moved across Jed's face. He pushed his agenda aside and turned his chair away from his desk. "Yeah, that would be nice."

"You don't have things to do?"

"I do. But I'd rather listen to you."

"Jed." Her voice held that tone of disapproval.

"Okay."

"Do your work. I'll talk to Zoey and call you tomorrow night."

"Okay. You know I was thinking; if she ends up doing it...I assume it would be there…I was thinking, maybe I could come up, you know, be there for her?"

A sigh. "I don't know if that's a good idea Jed. Not yet anyway."

"Yeah."

"I'm just..."

"You don't need to explain yourself."

"Thank you."

"What about the holidays? Thanksgiving? Christmas?"

There was a longer pause and Jed thought he may have heard a muffled sniffle through the phone. Abbey's response was sad and quiet. "We'll keep talking. Go back to work. I'll call you tonight."

"You said tomorrow night."

"I changed my mind."

"Okay."


	8. Chapter 8

_OK! This is taking a little longer than I thought! There will be 5-7 more chapters, but keeping them fairly short...hopefully it will stay interesting for you all! I've really appreciated the reviews; Thank you so much!_

* * *

Leo made his way back to the office after yet another failed attempt at getting through to Jed.

As he passed by Angela she tried to make meaningful eye contact but Leo just shook his head and kept walking. Toby and CJ made the same effort but Leo just stalked past to his office, slamming the door shut behind him.

He dropped into his wingback chair by the sofa and gazed out the window in contemplation.

Rarely had the president left him so confused. Even through the divide of the past months Leo was at least able to read in to what Jed's intent and motivations were. Things had begun to seem better over the past short while. Leo couldn't be sure but he was almost certain that Jed's daily calls to Manchester were no longer exclusively to his youngest daughter. It had made a notable difference.

The frostiness since Stanley's visit had evaporated and the good humor had begun to creep back into each day. Leo had held hope that the ship was slowly pointing in the right direction; even up to the very moment the president had gone AWOL in the budget meeting. For a moment Leo had seen the old Jed back in action; The way he had taken over the conversation from Angela and had provided an unwavering 'No', in that short exchange anyone looking could see the indomitable politician who had soundly beaten Rob Richie just over a year ago.

But then Jed had abruptly left the room leaving the negotiation unfinished, the government shut down and Leo lost, just absolutely lost.

He closed his eyes and sighed wearily. He knew what he had to do but he did NOT want to do it. With one final moment to reflect on all possible remaining courses of action Leo stood wearily and stood behind his desk.

He wiped his hands on his pants as he looked at the phone with trepidation and took a deep breath. He was one of the most experienced political operatives in the country; he had stared down governors, congressmen, senators, generals, ambassadors and the president himself from time to time. There was no one Leo was afraid of...except he could feel his stomach involuntarily clench as he reached to pick up his phone.

He closed his eyes; he had to do this.

"Abbey?"

"Leo." The word was crisp, tone full of cold disdain.

"We need you."

"Excuse me?"

Leo didn't think it was possible to load so much contempt into two little words and he took advantage of her being unable to see him and loosened his collar.

"Abbey, the government shut down, it wasn't orchestrated, it's not a stunt, there is no plan. He just shut it down 5 min into negotiations and he's holed up in the residence as if this is some kind of game at Boy Scout camp. He's not talking to me or anyone and we don't know what to do."

It was quiet on the other end of the line.

"Abbey, honest to God I think you're the only one who has a shot at reaching him."

"I don't do policy Leo. You and the president have made that quite clear."

Leo swallowed. "Abbey..."

"No Leo, you listen to me. This is your mess. I don't mind that your staff has continuously beaten up on my staff and railroaded issues I care about. I don't care that Jed would rather talk about numbskull novels or trivia or sporting events after days filled with cynical political nonsense. But I do mind that time and time again I have been kept out of significant policy discussions. Not just the ones that have had direct and violent effect on my family but those that have caused my husband to loose sleep or those that have upended values that he has held for as long as I have known him. I haven't been a welcome part of serious discussions since the campaign. If you've lost control then that's on you."

Leo sighed, "It's not that I've lost control Abbey, I think that he has."

He paused; her silence told him that he found his opening.

"He's been slipping Abbey. I know you saw the Oklahoma trip but there are other things. And he knows it too; he's feeling out of control, it's been bothering him and Haffley pushed the wrong button. I swear he just snapped. I really think that he wasn't thinking at all, he just reacted. For the first time since I've met him I'm doubting his mental faculties. He's not listening to or offering any logic He hasn't been sleeping or eating right, he's been sick..."

"Leo?" The interruption was quick; the word was heavy with concern.

He mentally kicked himself. He had no intention of playing dirty. "Just a cold that's going around Abbey. Enough to be distracting but nothing serious, I'm sorry I didn't mean to...I wouldn't...The long and short of it is that he's not himself and this isn't some confirmation hearing or land use bill, this is the Federal Budget and nearly a million federal employees out of work. You know I wouldn't be sticking myself into what's going on between the two of you if it wasn't serious, if it wasn't urgent."

Abbey sighed. "And what exactly do you expect me to do?"

"What you always do; bring him to reality, clarity. He's a better person in all matters of the word when you're around and we need some of that magic."

Leo rubbed his hand across his face as Abbey emitted a quiet clucking noise. "I'm flattered Leo, really." She mocked.

"Abbey..." Leo's pride didn't keep the tinge of whining desperation out of his voice.

"If I come back I'm not going to just buck him up and send him on his way. I'm not going to encourage him to do anything that I don't think is in his best interest. I'm going to be informed and involved."

Leo tried to keep the hope out of his voice, "We've got a war room set up in the Roosevelt room. Come by when you arrive, I'll have a seat for you."

She sighed deeply. "Okay."

He closed his eyes and breathed in relief, "Thank you Abbey."

"I'm not doing it for you."


	9. Chapter 9

Jed hung up the phone with Leo and stuck his hands in his pockets as he watched Abbey move around emptying her suitcase into various drawers of the executive bedroom.

He rolled back and forth on his feet. "Leo's getting Josh."

She looked up, "So is this how it will be now?"

He lifted his chin, "Hrm? What's that?"

She froze where she stood, propping one hand on her hip, "You're just going to do whatever I say now out of fear I'll leave again?"

He crossed his arms, "That's not what I did."

"It's not?" She smirked knowingly at him.

He frowned and dropped his arms, "You were right. I need to be hearing from everyone right now. Josh is an asset even if he pissed me off a few weeks ago."

She sighed softly, "You really are distracted, aren't you?"

"I'm not distracted." He grumbled and moved around the room, carefully keeping a distance.

Abbey stayed where she was, her focus unwavering from his moving form. "What's been with the phone calls?"

He shrugged, "I told you what they were about."

"Why Jed?" She was insistent.

He sighed, ceasing his fidgeting and returning his reluctant attention back to her.

"The first night, I don't know. I just did. But I was able to sleep relatively soundly for the first time in too long after that."

She looked at him carefully and he shifted, not liking how clearly he was being read.

After too long she turned back to her clothes "You really do need to sleep more Jed."

He sat on the edge of the bed and continued to watch her. "I know."

"I know you know. The problem is not what you know, it's what you do."

Her back was still to him so he felt safe offering a roll of his eyes. He spent an awkward moment casting about for something to say to change the subject until he finally came up with, "So what's the plan?"

She turned around and looked at him steadily, "What do you mean?"

He stood again and paced. "I assume you didn't just suddenly decide to come to Washington because you missed me." Her eyes shot to his and they spent a tense silent moment each willing something from the other. Jed looked away first, releasing a long breath, "I assume Leo called you. Told you I've gone round the bend. You came back either because he guilted you into it somehow or out of some onerous sense of duty. You've been in the war room, heard what they're all thinking. I want to know what you and they or he think the plan is now that you're here."

Abbey sat stiffly into the upholstered chair. "I told you, they wanted to come to you with an offer."

Jed grimaced, "I said…!"

Abbey cut him off. "I know. You said that already. And I said they don't know. They're pretty lost themselves. That's why I figured you all needed some new brain power and suggested Josh,"

Jed dropped on to the sofa, "So what? The new plan is we sit back and wait for Josh to have a brainstorm?" He dragged his hands across his face.

Abbey leaned forward, "Jed. What's going on? You've got a tenuous grasp on some half formed plan in that head of yours but no one is going to be able to help you until you articulate it."

He sighed again and leaned back on the couch, looking up to the ceiling. "Why are you doing this Abbey? Why are you here?"

She took a deep sigh, "I don't really know."

He shifted so he could make eye contact without raising his head, an amused smirk playing on his lips.

She shrugged, matching his grin, "I was asked to help with this. So I figured I'd start with that and see what comes next."

Jed looked away, mulling her words over in his head. After a long time he sat forward again.

"Fine."

She tilted her head in confusion, "Fine what?"

"Let's start with this." He sat up fully and looked Abbey in the eye as he laid out the situation at hand,

"Haffley's gotten too big for his britches and I haven't done anything to stop him or to take a stand on behalf of what's the right thing to do around here. I was elected with 53 million votes across 50 states; he's here thanks to 125 thousand votes in one congressional district yet somehow he's been the one running the show. That's just wrong. I don't like feeling pushed around, certainly not by someone like him and it feels like all that's been happening lately is that I've been allowing people to push me around.

"Add to my frustration that I was tired and agitated, and Roy Ashland picked then to inform me that he's refusing to step down even if he's writing court opinions from a hospital bed because I'm too _weak_ to appoint a satisfactory successor. I guess part of me was looking for a fight but it comes down to I just decided I wasn't going to stand by and play his lame ass game anymore. I just can't surrender to this guy if I have any hope of being able to look myself in the mirror again.

"I know it's not good but I trust the staff, they can spin this to our benefit. They believe in the same things I do, the wrongness of Haffley's arrogance and the irreparable damage that could be done to the social programs and the stability of the economy if we roll over and let them have their way. The staff believes in those things and they can spin what they believe in. But not forever. This needs to end within the week and it needs to end without us being the ones who capitulate. We need Haffley to get more nervous than us. That's where the plan kind of falls apart. So far I kind of figured if I didn't act nervous neither would anyone else and that would freak the Republicans out." He looked at his wife, chagrined.

"So how's that been working out for you then?" Abbey asked in what Jed found to be a shocking impersonation of Mrs. Landingham.

He snorted in amusement while she shook her head at him. She stood and rummaged through her bag and disappeared in to the bathroom. She returned a moment later handing him a glass of water and a small pill.

"What's this?" He looked at her questioningly before he swallowed the pill.

"Pseudoephedrine. For your cold. It will clear you up. The more you talk the more stuffy you sound."

He nodded. "Good, thank you. I hate being hazy."

She smiled as she sat down across from him again. "I know."

He looked at her for a moment, as if to again assure himself that she was really there. "So Doctor, what's next then?"

She pursed her lips and thought carefully. "Josh is going to agree with you and not like the fact that rest of the staff is ready to capitulate. So I imagine there's going to be some fighting going on down there right now."

Jed nodded in agreement.

"So I think we give them all time to sort out themselves. With a new voice in the room different ideas will get floated and old debates will be held in a different perspective. Give them some time to see if anything new gets stirred up. In the meantime I think you need to get a good night's sleep."

Jed raised his eyebrows, "Abbey…" he groused.

"No. Jed, listen to me. Get a good night sleep. The cold medicine I just gave you is going to make you feel drowsy any way…" He grimaced at her but she ignored him "so take advantage of it and get some rest. Start with a fresh mental slate in the morning. After breakfast call Leo and let him know you're coming down. Then you and your advisors sit in that Roosevelt room until they understand you and between all of your big brains someone will come up with something."

"So your advice is to sleep and then talk with my advisors?" He seemed amused.

She glared at him in return. "Mock if you want mister. It may sound simple but you haven't really done either of those in what sounds like a long time so how about we try giving the common sense approach a try, hrm?"

He looked down, properly chastised.

"Good." She stood again. "Now go change in to sweats and I'll see if there is anything good to fall asleep to on television."

After he disappeared into the bathroom she moved about, changing herself and turning down the bed. She paused, confused.

"Jed?"

He padded out of the bathroom, "What?"

"Where are your pillows?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, "I think they're in the other room."

"Why?"

He shrugged again, "I was taking a nap in there."

She raised her eyebrows, clearly telling she knew he wasn't being honest but decided not to push it. "Well I suggest you get them because I'm not sharing."

He didn't move right away, quietly scanning his eyes about the room.

"Jed?"

His gaze rested on her face, "You want me to bring my pillows in here?"

She narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. "Uh. Yeah."

He was quiet again, looking down and nearly shuffling.

"Jed?" She was starting to get annoyed with him.

He cleared his throat, "Where are you going to sleep?"

Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth then closed it again. She took a half step toward him but froze still with the bed between them. Quietly she responded "I was planning on here; is that okay with you?" It was the first time she sounded hesitant and unsure since she had arrived like a whirlwind.

He nodded quickly, keeping his eyes down. "Yeah." She could see the muscles clench in his jaw and neck. "I'll be right back."

He turned and left the room.

When he returned Abbey was already in bed, sitting nearly on the edge of her side of the mattress. He paused, allowing her one last chance before he dropped the pillows and settled himself so close to the edge that she was surprised he didn't fall off. He furtively looked over to Abbey.

"Did you find anything good on?"

She glanced over at him, "The Celtics game started a half hour ago. That good for you?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

For a while after she turned on the game she would catch her husband looking at her, in fact she was fairly certain he spent more time watching her than the television set but soon enough his eyes drooped and his head lolled to the side as sleep over took him as she knew it would.

She watched the rest of the game before shutting off the television and moving to shut off the rest of the lights in the room. She paused at Jed's bedside table contemplating adjusting his pillows so he could lie flat. Her fingers itched to touch him; a hand on his chest, a kiss on the forehead…she stopped herself, shut off the light and returned to her side of the bed.

It was several hours later that she final fell to sleep, eyes focused on her husband from across the expanse of the mattress.


	10. Chapter 10

Two days later Jed was sitting in the oval awaiting Haffley's arrival when Abbey strode in unannounced and handed him a phone.

"Zoey" she mouthed silently.

He nodded and accepted the phone. "Hey Honey."

"Hey Dad." her voice was chipper. "I was talking with Mom and she told me you're meeting with the speaker and I figured we wouldn't have the chance to speak since the Prime Minister is coming over so I thought I'd just say Hi now."

He smiled warmly and settled comfortably into his chair. "Well I'm glad. How are you doing up there on your own?"

"Daaaaad. You do know I'm 21 years old."

He resisted bringing attention to the reason why he was concerned about his adult daughter being home alone; he deflected. "I know that. I also know it's a big house when it's empty. Not sure if the ghosts have been spooking you yet."

"Dad. I haven't believed your ghost stories since I was 15. Besides, I've spent the last few nights over at Liz's."

He nodded, "Yeah, you had mentioned you'd be in Hanover. What is it you're doing again? Something with Dr. Francis?"

"Yeah, she works with at risk teens in the area, she asked me to talk to a few of them. It's been really great actually. It's amazing, I feel like I can make a difference in some of these kids' lives just by listening to them." He smiled hearing the energy and excitement in his daughter's voice.

"Good. That's good Hon. I'm really glad to hear that."

Zoey was quiet for a moment on the other end of the line, "Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Are you coming home for Thanksgiving?"

Jed swallowed and twisted in his chair to glance at Abbey who was sitting casually in one of the office chairs. "I don't know Dear. Of course I want to but you know how things come up around here. We'll have to discuss it after I have a better idea as to where everything stands over the next couple of days."

Zoey sighed into the phone, "I know you want me to think you're talking about the budget Dad but I'm not an idiot. You need to tell Mom to let you come home for Thanksgiving. If she doesn't I'm coming down there."

Jed sighed, "Zoey..."

"No Dad." She cut him off, "I'm done being coddled. I'm ready to put this whole thing behind me and move on with my life but I can't do that if I feel like my parents haven't let it go either. Every time I see evidence of you two fighting I'm reminded of everything and it's really hard not to feel like it's all my fault."

Jed closed his eyes as his heart broke. "Oh Honey..."

"No, don't worry, I know it's not really my fault. Mentally I know that. But Dad, it's hard. I tried talking to Mom but she shuts me down, she won't talk to me about anything that she thinks is going to shake me." He could hear her struggling against tears, "I need you guys to be ready to move on before I'm able to close the book on this whole ordeal. And I'm never going to be whole again until you two are back to normal; my entire life the most bedrock constant has been my family and you and Mom in particular. Even when you've been states apart or arguing over something it's never been like this. I've never doubted you two and now that it's not the same it's a little scary. What's more I miss you. You said you'd be up and you never came. I know Mom wouldn't let you but I don't care Dad. It's almost Thanksgiving and I want to celebrate being thankful for my life with my family and that does NOT mean going with Liz to Doug's parents' house; it smells like cats over there."

Jed sighed. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry honey, I really am. I promise I'll work on it. You know I want to but I can't promise I will definitely be there but I promise I'll work on it. Okay?"

Zoey sniffled on the other side of the line. "Okay."

"Alright Kid, I better get going. I love you."

"I love you too Dad."

"Did you want me to give the phone back to your mother?" He stood and moved closer to where Abbey sat.

"No. She and I already spoke enough today." Zoey's tone was clipped and Jed thought eerily similar to Abbey's.

"Zoey..." He matched with a warning tone.

"No, Dad. It's okay. She knows. I'll talk to you both tomorrow." He sighed but nodded.

"Okay...Love you."

He hung up the phone and handed it back to Abbey. She remained where she sat so Jed gingerly sat in the opposite chair.

After a few moments of strained silence he looked over to her, "Zoey sounds happy working with Dr. Francis."

Abbey shrugged detachedly, "She's always said she wanted to work with kids. Who knows, this may end up turning in to something for her."

Jed nodded, "That's good."

Silence again fell upon the two parents. Jed sat back, rubbed his hands on his thighs, "She asked me about Thanksgiving."

Abbey didn't move, seeming lost in her own thoughts, "I know."

Jed sighed, "There's enough going on here that I can make up a solid reason why I can't come up if that's what you'd like me to do."

"Yeah." Again Abbey barely moved, her voice quiet and distant.

"Abbey?"

Her eyes snapped to him, "We should talk about this later."

Strengthened by his daughter's frustration Jed kept pushing, "How about we talk about it now?"

Abbey set her jaw, "You've got to stay focused on this meeting now. It's all a moot point if you don't accomplish what you need to accomplish here today. Stay focused on this now and we'll talk about Thanksgiving later."

Jed breathed deeply, frustration coloring his face, "I love how you feel it's your job to dictate what I should focus on. You know, I've been told I'm a pretty smart guy. I've been known to be able to hold more than one idea in my head at once!"

Abbey shook her head, "Getting snippy with me isn't exactly going to endear me to the idea of sticking around."

Jed rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut.

Abbey sighed, "Zoey's right." Her eyes glanced at her husband, expecting him to leap upon the statement but he kept quiet, his eyes steadfast on her face, silently asking her to elaborate. "Things need to change between you and I. It's not doing her any favors."

"It's not doing any of us any favors." Jed replied solemnly.

Abbey broke eye contact and looked down at her hands. "Yeah."

Jed leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "Abbey, I know you're angry and there's a lot to be angry for. I imagine there is a lot you'd like to say as well as explanations and apologies to demand. I know it's not anything that's going to be fixed in a day's time and let that be the first thing I apologize for. But let me also say this; I'm not giving up. I love you and I've been immensely happy having you here these past couple of days. However I am also aware the feeling isn't exactly mutual and I'm not going to push you. Would I like you to stay? Yes. Would I like to spend the holidays together? Yes. But I'm not going to push anything you don't want to do. I can get Zoey to calm down and back off. Whatever comes next is up to you; on your own terms and on your own pace."

Abbey took a deep breath, "Thank you."

They sat in silence until there was a knock at the door and Leo announced the arrival of the speaker. Jed watched her leave the office, confident in his ability to make some progress in his upcoming meeting. He just hoped that making progress politically wouldn't mean watching Abbey leave again.


	11. Chapter 11

Later that evening found Jed striding with purpose through the halls of the West Wing after escorting the Prime Minister and his wife out to their limo. He made a sudden detour when he noticed the light on in Josh's office. He quietly stood in the doorway, watching the younger man read through a file on his desk. After a moment Jed cleared his throat.

"Mr. President?" Josh began to stand but Jed entered the small room and urged Josh to keep his seat with a wave of his hands.

Josh shuffled the folder he was reviewing closed, "Is there something I can do for you sir?"

Jed shook his head. "No. I just…" He paused, eyes flitting over the cluttered office. He took a deep breath, "I just wanted to say thank you. There was a lot of pressure to go against me the other day. I know it was no small thing for you to disagree with Leo and I really appreciated your assistance over the past few days."

Josh shrugged, "Arguing with people is what I do best sir. You're the one who pulled the grand slam with the speaker."

Jed shook his head, "You helped. And I know it couldn't have been easy for you after we had locked you in the doghouse these past few weeks."

Josh looked the president in the eye, "I serve at the pleasure of the president, sir."

Jed chuckled, "Maybe, but I suspect you received some pleasure of your own. It seems to me that an epic fight with the Republicans is right up your alley, eh?"

"It was certainly…invigorating. Sir." Josh smirked in return.

Jed nodded and turned to leave when Josh halted him, "Sir? I wasn't the only one."

Jed frowned, "Hrm?"

Josh stood, "I wasn't the only one who...who believed in what you were doing. CJ did too."

A small, genuine smile spread across the president's face, "Did she?"

Josh nodded, "She called it leadership. She was willing to wait for you sir. Just thought you should know."

Jed nodded thoughtfully, his smile growing wider asd he left the room. "Thank you."

So, CJ had trusted him? He had wrangled control back from congress and now it seemed perhaps the rift between him and his staff wasn't irreparable. Perhaps there was still hope for this second term, perhaps he still had the opportunity to do everything he wanted to do while in office. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

By the time he returned to the residence he was feeling positively buoyant; riding the high of his legislative victory and secure in the mutual faith between him and his staff. There was just one piece of his life causing him consternation. One piece that was missing…and he wanted it back.

He leaned against the door frame of the formal sitting room and gave Abbey an appraising look.

Abbey leaned back in her chair, eyebrows raised; pleased by the assured air of her husband who had spent the last two days metaphorically tip toeing around her. "So you have a budget." She observed.

He grinned smugly in a way she hadn't seen in too long. "We do."

She fought back a grin of her own as she stood and left the room "So the negotiation went well?"

"I wouldn't quite call it a negotiation. A negotiation implies an equal give and take." His voice was right behind her ear and when she turned back she was startled not only by his proximity but also the intensity in his eyes.

She licked her lips and swallowed. She was unsure of playing this game with him. Not yet, it was too early, things were still too raw and they were still barely able to sleep in the same bed.

She was searching for the right thing to say to distract him back to safer ground when he peeled off his tie, still smirking in that dangerously self-satisfied way. Her eyes unwillingly followed his fingers as he popped the top two buttons of his shirt, exposing a triangle of skin and hint of hair. The familiar urge to touch him was back.

Thus far she had been able to restrain herself but in this moment he was too close, too confident, too much himself, and the air of his victory over whatever demons was too intoxicating and tempting.

Slowly Abbey watched her arm extend as if it was not her own, watched as her hand rested on his chest and, as if they were operating under their own volition, she watched as her fingers traced small circles on the exposed skin.

She felt Jed suck in a breath and hold it for a long moment. She matched his smug smile with a smirk of her own. "So…You got tough with the Speaker of the House?"

He seemed to remember to breathe again, "I did."

She kept her eyes focused on her fingers dancing on his chest, playing the next button open. She barely suppressed the gasp of surprise when he grasped her shoulders and maneuvered her the remaining few feet into their bedroom and slammed the door shut with his foot. As if they were dancing he deftly turned them until her back was against the wall and he pushed himself close enough that she could no longer see her hand on his chest without having to duck under his chin.

She caught her breath and gazed up into his smoldering blue eyes, "Asserted your control of the situation did you?" she tried, unsuccessfully, to keep her voice even.

She felt her cheeks flush as he pushed himself closer and his eyes dropped to her lips. "Yeah. I did."

Abbey brought her other hand up between them and began unbuttoning his shirt in earnest, teasing along the way. She smirked up at him.

"Showed him the most powerful man in the world?"

"Something like that." Nothing else was said as his lips crashed down upon hers with a voracious, hungry force.

In their nearly 40 year history their lovemaking had been as varied as their days. That night it was about forgetting the 5 months previous. Wordless and intense. Reclaiming control.

Much later found them both exhausted and not quite entwined but no longer with the entirety of the bed stretched between them. On the edge of sleep Jed suddenly reached across the void and grabbed her hand. "Stay. Please."

She opened her eyes and looked down at the entwined hands. After a beat she brought his hand to her mouth and gave it a kiss.

"Go to sleep Jed."


	12. Chapter 12

They didn't talk about it again after that moment but Abbey's suitcase stayed in the closet for the rest of the week and the next week when she packed for New Hampshire she wordlessly packed his suitcase as well.

They traveled to Manchester together and had Thanksgiving with Zoey. Their youngest daughter had been thrilled to have them both home but insisted that not only was she fine, she was truly enjoying having some space. Abbey had been reluctant but agreed it was time to let her daughter dictate what was next for herself. Without much fuss Abbey packed the remainder of her things and returned to DC with Jed that Sunday after church.

A couple of weeks had passed and she was back but they weren't normal yet. Neither expected it to be that easy.

The night they had shared after he made the budget agreement remained an anomaly. After surrendering to that needed release they had stepped back; they needed time to reconnect verbally.

It was a new place for them, having to work to find the connection which had been so natural since the very first moment they met. Neither was used to having to make an effort to avoid feeling weird or distant or formal when the other was in the room.

They still slept on their own very definitive sides of the bed and the casual touches and simple gestures of devotion were still absent from the everyday but things were progressing and to their many observers they appeared happy.

By the time the girls came down for their arranged pre-Christmas gathering Abbey was beginning to feel a sense of normalcy and comfort. She still remained distant with Leo but she and Jed had seemed to have reached a new equilibrium. The teasing and banter had begun to creep back into their conversations and available evenings were spent in comfortable silence reading together and tossing casual observations and thoughts back and forth. They had even shared a crossword puzzle that morning over breakfast and then tea in the oval while they awaited Liz's arrival.

Abbey thought they were in a good place and they were on the same page. She didn't realize how wrong she was; how badly he was struggling, how uncertain he remained. She was blissfully unaware until that night when he asked her_ that_ damn question.

_"You going to be there?"_

She had felt stricken by his offhand topic change to assisted suicide and the way he cavalierly referred to his own certain future as "ugly and that's that." but she could have maintained the emotionless pretense right up until he had to go and break it all down by asking _that_. What she never thought he would need to ask.

_"You going to be there?"_

He had tossed it out so casually but it hit her with more force than if he had screamed in anger. She froze on her response, stunned silent.

How could there be any doubt?

_"You going to be there?"_

What had happened to them? Had the past few months truly caused him to lose his faith in her? Of course they had. How could she have assumed otherwise? She was shamed and heartbroken and confused but mostly sad.

So sad that this is where they had ended up. The beautiful, pure, brilliant love which had defined all that was them had been twisted and obfuscated so that she seemed to be the only one who knew it still existed.

Her daughter had been returned to her but she may still have lost the love of her life.

The weight of the realization hit her hard and fast. She had been proceeding as if this was like any other fight in their long and bumpy history; eventually she would forgive him his transgressions and he would be waiting for her with open arms, all bitterness not only forgiven but forgotten.

It was only at the moment when he asked_ that_ she realized this time was different. He was too wounded. He wasn't waiting to forgive and forget because he wasn't sure _she_ ever would.

_"You going to be there?"_

In the same moment his comment also forced her to face anew that which they had both worked to ignore; their reality that regardless of what she did or how long she took he wouldn't be waiting forever because she was going to lose him. There was no way to tell when he was going to cease being himself and she was going to lose him despite everything and anything...and she had already wasted so much time.

Her guilt and fear and warred with her absolute love for her husband and she was suddenly stunned that she had been able to resist that truth for so long.

She had wanted to leave. Wanted to escape with her wounded pride, her fear and her grief but he had stopped her escape by pleading her name in such a broken voice that her heart shattered all over again.

_"Abbey?"_

She couldn't trust herself to speak.

As an affectionate couple frequently in the public eye and never far from their strict upbringings Abbey and Jed had long ago developed their own language of intimacy; discreet and discernibly benign ways of showing the depth of their emotion, communicating their love and sharing strength. In their world rare was a more intimate movement than the gentle glide of a thumb on the back of a hand.

They had barely trespassed into each other's personal space over the past few weeks and it had been months since they had shared a tight hug or had clasped hands as they walked down the hall or sat in the limo.

She hoped a return to their silent communication would express the truth of her dedication. As she pressed her lips to his forehead she felt him lean into her, almost desperately. She held the kiss much longer than normal, reluctant to release and end the moment.

But she had to leave.

Had to hide her shame from him for fear it be misinterpreted and she had to find a way to fix what was broken.


	13. Chapter 13

Gus had asked to be carried back and despite that it was a long walk and he was really getting too heavy for it, Jed couldn't deny his grandson.

He was almost beginning to regret that decision as he climbed the stairs back to the upper floor of the mansion. Gus had fallen asleep before they had made it back inside and was dead weight in his grandfather's arms.

Mentally berating himself for allowing himself to fall out of shape, Jed navigated the last few steps and nodded a silent thanks to the agent who opened the bedroom door for him. He grimaced as his back pulled when he went to carefully lay the sleeping boy in the bed. Thankfully neither Abbey nor the girls were around as he indulged himself in a quick rub, stretch and roll of his shoulders to release the tension in his back before he got to work removing Gus' boots and winter jacket. He shook his head in amazement that despite the movement the boy slept on, never stirring once. What Jed wouldn't give to be able to sleep that soundly again.

He smiled sadly as he perched on the side of the bed, watching his grandson sleep. Gus was born not long before Jed took office and there hadn't been time to be the doting grandfather. Although he loved the boy deeply he worried that perhaps Gus didn't know that. He worried that instead, to Gus, his grandfather was simply a busy man who lived in a fancy place that they got to visit from time to time.

Jed thought back and realized it wasn't too much different with Annie. When she was little he was running for Governor. Of course it was different because it was still in New Hampshire and there wasn't the secret service and so much protocol but there were still crazy hours and responsibilities not to mention the Meetings of the Governors and New England Regional meetings and various events and counsels in DC that he would travel too. His time was sparse and what little of it he had was given to Zoey and Ellie while they were still living at home and Abbey and he balanced the parental responsibilities between two busy professionals. He had seen more of Annie than he did with Gus but it wasn't much more and he certainly hadn't seen her much at all in the past 5 and a half years. He realized now that he had never had been the devoted and spoiling Grandfather he imagined himself to be.

Liz and Abbey were right. They hadn't been able to do it all and the family had never been Currier and Ives. He idealized that simple American life but too often reality got in the way and life for the Bartlett family was far from simple and it certainly had never been easy. It shouldn't be news to him but somehow it was.

He stopped himself before he started thinking too hard about reality versus his own perceptions or forced perceptions; he knew it would just make him depressed. He didn't want to be depressed now; he felt as if he was still barely balancing on the edge of himself and he needed to ground himself with something he knew to be real. He wanted so badly to just enjoy an evening with his family; his girls.

Things had been better since Abbey came back, but he didn't know how long it would last and he knew he needed to take this rare opportunity to be with his family before the moment disappeared. He pushed the hair back from Gus' forehead and kissed him lightly before getting up and going in search of his girls.

He ducked into the dining room and his heart sunk as he found the room empty and the table cleared. He had been so close. Even with them all actually in the same building he still couldn't manage a meal with his family. He sighed in abject defeat and closed his eyes.

He had felt rejuvenated sharing that innocent moment with Gus as he had watched his grandson joyfully flip the switch on the tree but those feelings were quickly escaping and he again felt dejected and tired.

He briefly contemplated crossing over to the office to see if his daughters were still there listening to the music but decided against it; certain his foul mood would ruin any chance of a happy moment, not to mention that Liz was still mad at him.

He spared a moment to wonder where Abbey was; the moment they had shared earlier had set him on edge and he was left unsure how to interpert her response to his questions. She had left so abruptly he assumed she needed some space to sort her thoughts out on her own so instead of going to find her he moved with heavy limbs to his bedroom.

As he approached the doors he thought he heard something familiar.

Yes. There it was. Abbey's laughter. But it wasn't coming from the bedroom. It was across the hall in the casual sitting room. Curious he changed direction and headed toward the sound. As he approached he heard Zoey's giggle as well.

He peeked his head in and froze at the scene in front of him.

His girls, all 4 of them, were clad in pajamas and sitting on the floor between the sofa and the fireplace. The ham dinner intended for the stately dining room was set up on the coffee table and Ellie, Zoey and Abbey were laughing at Liz who had somehow made a mess as she had apparently tried to grab a small piece of ham not realizing it was attached to more than could be seen.

It wasn't long before his presence was noticed and Abbey called over to him, "There you are, Babe. We were afraid you and Gus got lost in the wilderness."

He was still too stunned to form an adequate response and was saved from undignified stammering by Liz, "Where is he now? Did you put him to bed?"

Jed nodded, still in the doorway. "Uh Yeah." Still unsure of what was happening Jed's struggled to mask his bewilderment, "He fell asleep before we even made it back inside, kid sleeps like a champ."

Liz shook her head. Zoey smirked at her father, "Yeah, he's also wicked heavy Dad. Did you carry him the whole way up here? How's your back after that?"

Jed waved aside her concern, "Heavy for a mere mortal maybe but not your old man. I'm fine." He stuck his hands in his jeans pocket and rocked on his feet. struggling to keep the desperation out of his voice he asked, "What are you all up to here?"

Abbey shrugged and looked up at him from where he sat, "I couldn't remember when it was last just the five of us and weather and everyone in their slippers. So I changed dinner plans. Hope you don't mind?" She held his gaze meaningfully, silently communicating as much as she could.

Jed just stared at her, hearing his own words repeated back to him he read her gaze and realized she had orchestrated this moment _for him_. He locked eyes with his wife. She had shed her elegant suit and glamorous jewelry and cleaned her face of any makeup. She sat at an awkward angle on the floor in a pair of old, shapeless flannel pajamas flanked by their similarly attired daughters and to Jed she had never been more beautiful. Unbidden, a lump raised in his throat. He remained silent, afraid to speak for fear of embarrassing himself in front of his daughters.

"Come on Dad. Go change and then come join us." Ellie indicated the empty space between her and Abbey.

Liz added, "There's fondue for dessert."

Jed's eyebrows rose at his eldest, "You're willing to share with me?"

She bit her lip in mock concentration. "I haven't decided yet. But seeing as this is fake Christmas I may be convinced to be forgiving."

Jed smiled warmly at her, "Well, I've never been one to turn down melted chocolate but I'm feeling a little over dressed. Give me a minute and I'll be right back."

"Hurry before Liz dumps the rest of the ham on the floor!" Zoey called after him.

He made it across the hall and behind the closed doors of the bedroom before he squeezed his eyes shut and choked back the relief that threatened to overwhelm him. He managed a few shuddering breaths before quickly removing his jacket and clothes and replacing them with his own favorite pajamas. He splashed some water on his face to cleanse any evidence of his emotional turmoil and grabbed his robe before hurrying back across the hall.

He slowed when he reached the door to the sitting room and forced himself to slowly saunter back in.

"That was quick." Abbey smirked knowingly.

He flashed her an unrepentant grin and eased himself into the space on the floor between his wife and his middle daughter. He leaned forward and grabbed a small plate of food before leaning back against the couch. Abbey shifted so she was leaning against him, her head on his shoulder.

As the girls went back to happily teasing each other about some unknown event from years past Abbey leaned up so Jed could hear her whisper,

"Merry Christmas Jethro."

* * *

_A/N: Part of me really wanted to have this be the end. But, I believe, like with the scene in chapter 11, a single moment doesn't mean everything is all better. They still need to talk. So I leave it to you the reader; you may stop here and have the happy family moment be the end of the story or you can read the next 1 (maybe 2?) chapters for a less light hearted resolution._


	14. Chapter 14

After the ham had been eaten and the fondue shared Zoey had managed to squeeze herself between her parents, Ellie had been ensconced in her father's arm and Liz had curled up next to her sister resting her head on Jed's thigh.

Sometime during dessert the evening had devolved into another combative round of Bartlett Family Trivia. When everyone seemingly ran out of random facts and lighthearted teasing the room had grown quiet. Jed was absently playing with a piece of Liz's hair and glanced over at Abbey to find her looking at him with an affectionate smile on her face. For the first time in weeks instead of pretending he didn't see her watching him he made eye contact and returned the smile. And she didn't glance away like each of them had done over the past few weeks whenever one had been caught staring at the other.

Liz's loud sigh broke the moment. "I guess I should go find my husband, huh?"

Jed shrugged, "You don't NEED too…"

"Dad!" she swatted at him but her tone was light as she slowly pulled herself upright.

Abbey tilted her head, "I didn't even ask, where is he?"

"He called a college friend of his who lives in Arlington. He's got to be back by now and probably still annoyed. I'm going to have to spend some time with him so we can all have a nice breakfast tomorrow."

Zoey chuckled and buried her face in her mother's side. "Who wants to put bets on how smooth breakfast will be tomorrow?"

Ellie smirked, "I don't think that's a fair bet."

Jed heaved a heavy sigh but the smile didn't leave his face, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're probably right. Still, this was an enjoyable escape from reality with you all."

Liz smiled fondly at her father, "It was, Dadd. I was just trying to remember the last time we had a night like this with all of us. It's been a really long time."

"Too long." Ellie agreed.

"Yeah…" murmured Zoey quietly before she suddenly moved to extricate herself from her position. "Okay. I'm heading to my room."

Ellie laughed, "Zoey, has anyone told you you're like a cat?"

Zoey looked at her sister quizzically as she pulled her hair into a ponytail.

Ellie went on, "You're sitting there almost asleep one minute the next you're jumping up and moving with no impetus whatsoever. Like a cat."

Zoey shook her head, clearly unsatisfied with her sister's observation. "Okay, whatever. I'm going."

Ellie sighed and pushed herself away from her father's side. "Okay, I guess the party's breaking up and I should go too."

"You don't have too." Jed offered, giving her one final squeeze.

Ellie smiled softly as her eyes jumped between her parents. "No, it's okay. I have a few things I kind of wanted to type up and send over to Dr. Foy anyway."

"Okay." He smiled up at his daughters with open adoration and fatherly pride, "Breakfast, 8:30, right?"

They all murmured their agreement and filed out of the room tossing goodnights and "I love you" over their shoulders.

A few moments passed before Abbey shifted into the space Zoey had created and ducked herself under Jed's arm, settling against his chest.

He tightened his arm around her and rested his cheek on her hair. "Thank you Abbey. This may just be the best present I've ever received."

She smiled, "Really? Better than…"

"Yes." He cut her off.

She pushed herself back so she could mock glare at him, "You don't even know what I was going to say."

"I didn't need to. I changed my mind; this WAS the best present I ever received."

Abbey's glare softened as she smiled and sunk back into his side. "Good. I'm glad."

Jed stroked her arm and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

After a few moments he could feel her stiffen as her fingers found a loose thread on his robe and began fidgeting with it.

Jed grimaced as he sensed a sudden return of the tension which had been blissfully absent the past few hours. He decided he had enough of ignoring it, "What's wrong?"

"I didn't realize how broken we are."

Jed tilted his head, "hrm?"

She shifted so she could make eye contact without losing the physical contact. "We're still so broken. I didn't know. How could you have any doubt?"

Jed began stroking her hair, "What are you talking about?"

She closed her eyes, reliving the moment again, "How could we possibly have gotten to this place where you could possibly doubt that I would be there for you?"

Jed sighed suddenly recalling their earlier, strained conversation. Was it possible that was only a few hours ago? It had already been such an up and down day and he had so badly wanted to remain in the peaceful bubble from earlier. That was lost now so he sighed and resigned himself to the discussion he did not really want to have.

"Honestly?"

She looked up at him with wide eyes, "Of course."

"From the very beginning, back when we found out about the MS and learned what's ahead..whenever I've allowed myself to think about it I've always wondered about why the hell you would stick around through all that."

Abbey sat up so their eyes were level, "Babe, we've talked about this…"

He waved her off, "Yeah, I know. I do. And I believe and trust you but I've always been amazed by it and I just figured...after…everything…it just kind of made sense that you might not feel the same way anymore."

"Why?"

He sighed and rolled his head back onto the sofa. "Because I'm not the man you married and now you know."

Abbey pulled his face down to look at her, "What are you talking about?"

"You fell in love with a boy so pious he wanted to enter the priesthood. You married a man so nerdy that he won the Nobel Prize in economics. Now I'm whoever the hell I've become; entwined in the shadows international intrigue and with blood on my hands."

She raised an eyebrow at him "I know you've always had a thing against James Bond but..."

He cut her off angrily, "I'm serious Abbey. I've killed men. May be I never actually fired a shot but it's been my words, my decisions which have done the deed. Military deaths are one thing, they bother me of course but we both knew that would be part of the job but what else I've done...You can't have ever anticipated being married to a man who would callously and purposefully orchestrate the death of another. I'm a killer and a hypocrite. Did you know I gave the order while at that Catholic Charity in New York? Right there, surrounded by all the cloth in the American Catholic Church I flagrantly ignored God's commandments. What kind of man am I? I put work and the country ahead of the safety of my family. I've killed, I've lied, I allowed my desire for the office to supersede my dedication to my wife..."

His jaw clenched and unclenched, his mouth was drawn into a thin, firm line. He took a deep breath and looked away before continuing in a sad voice, "_I_ don't even know who I am anymore, Abbey. It wouldn't be fair to expect you to maintain vows and promises you made to someone who no longer even exists. I wouldn't blame you for anything you chose to do ; I betrayed us first. If we're broken, it's because of me."

She stilled against him, upset by his words and his description of himself. She was again stunned silent, bewildered by the depth of what she hadn't realized was afflicting her husband.

She wasn't even sure where to begin but she supposed it would have to be one truth at a time. "You think I'm upset because you gave the order to kill Sharif?"

"Angry, disgusted, disappointed...take your pick." He snorted derisively.

"...and that's why you didn't tell me? Because you were afraid of what I might think?"

He shrugged half heartedly and she sighed as the realizations slowly began to click into place.

She rolled her eyes and leaned against him again. "You're an idiot."

"What?" He couldn't stop the bewildered blink of his eyes; whatever he expected her to say it wasn't that.

She shook her head. "I was never angry about that. Shocked? Yes. Shaken? Maybe. If I was angry at all it was angry on your behalf; that you had to be put into that situation. To be backed into a corner and make that decision and give that order when I know you must have hated doing it."

His brow furrowed "Then..."

She sighed and ran a hand over his shoulder, "I'm upset at being kept out of the loop. It was a huge decision that you debated and agonized over and even when it was done it ate at you. I saw you bothered deeply by something for over a year but you refused to share it with me at all. You blocked me out when I asked what was on your mind. We're husband and wife Jed, we've always been able to talk about these things but suddenly when it was something this monumental you were all on your own, leaving me behind.

"Then in May when there were men missing and you feared possible retribution you didn't tell me that either because then you'd have to explain retribution for what. Had I known about Sharif, had I known why you think that Israeli plane was shot down, had I known about the sleeper agents… These past few months I just kept thinking that had I known there was so much possibly at play I would have been more hesitant about allowing her to go to France or agreeing to the wide radius protection.

"If I had known I could have had a better idea as to what threats possibly existed against our family and maybe nothing would have been different but I would have known. You've felt out of control; That's how I felt too and yes I blamed you because in that time we weren't equals. You knew so much more of what was going on and left me in the dark to feel like a fool. One minute everything is fine the next Zoey is gone and we're at war in the middle east and some irrational part of my brain just kept saying that you knew this was all a possibility and did nothing.

"Had you just talked to me, had I just known what was going on I wouldn't have been so blindsided, so upended. I just wanted you to tell me and when I realized how much you had kept from me it felt like betrayal, like you no longer trusted me. I didn't know why you kept it from me when it was such a big part of your life, of OUR life."

She snorted, "And now you tell me that you kept that mouth of yours shut not because of some bull about national security but because you were ashamed. That you didn't want me judging you for what you had to do. Great plan there Einstein. Talk about the mother of all backfires. I love you Jed, but sometimes you amaze me how you can be so smart and so foolish at the same time."

Jed stayed silent, his fingers still where they rested on Abbey's arm.

She leaned forward, putting her hands on either side of his face, lifting him to look at her, "But I do love you. Yes, you've changed from that boy I met at Hampton Beach long ago. But that's a good thing. I'd be rather bored being married to a priest."

Jed couldn't prevent himself from sharing a small grin with his wife. Her face became serious once again, "We've all changed and it's okay, it's part of life and the important part is that we've changed together. The part of you that's the man I fell in love with, the part of you that I made those vows with on our wedding day, the part of you that matters? That hasn't changed. You're still you. Smart and strong, pig headed and proud, and humble, idealistic and pragmatic, hopeful and realist, and loving and devoted and convinced that you can solve every problem in front of you. You haven't changed, you're not a different person and I don't love you any less."

He smirked, "You realize you just listed a bunch of opposites?"

She shrugged, "What can I say, you're an enigma wrapped in a puzzle." She leaned back and began to run her hands through his hair. "These past few months being away have been difficult for me too you know. In all honestly Leo didn't need to try all that hard to get me back here, I wanted to see you, be with you. For better or for worse Babe. I love you, even when I'm mad as hell at you I love you so much it's beyond all understanding. Hell, part of the reason why I get so angry is because how much I love you. What feels like betrayal wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't love you as much as I do. I don't like being away from you, even when I'm angry. That's not going to change. When things get tough, and you really need me, I'll be there then too. I'm always going to be there for you Jed; until death do us part."

At that point she couldn't contain her tears and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her head in the crook of his neck. She felt the wetness of his matching tears on her skin and tightened her hold.

After a long period of time the tears no longer came and his hands were rubbing gentle circles on her back. For a moment Abbey toyed with just letting herself fall asleep right there but she pushed back to look her husband in the face. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were rimmed red. She smirked, "Look at us."

He snorted, "Yeah, we're a mess."

She stroked his cheek, "Jed?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you believe me?"

He smiled softly at her, "Yeah."

She didn't return the smile, "I don't just mean the part about me being there. Do you believe the rest of it? That you haven't changed, that you're a good man?"

Jed broke eye contact, offering only a mute shrug in response.

Abbey sighed, "Would you do it again?"

He jerked his head up and looked at her with pain laced across his face "I once told Zoey I would."

Abbey couldn't stop the startled, pain laced expression that crossed her face but Jed held up a placating hand. "It was a year ago. The guilt had been eating at me last Christmas and she and I were chatting and she called me out on being distracted and I almost broke down and told her. I told her I had done something difficult but I was sure I was right and I would do it again and then I stopped myself. But now, after May…and this past 6 months I don't think I could. That's one of the things keeping me up at night; I keep trying to think of what else we could have done because if giving that order ate at me before...well let's just say it has now become the single greatest regret of my life."

He was no longer looking at her, all his focus internal. She shifted, straddling him and draping herself around him, resting her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. "Talk to me Jed. Tell me about it, why you made the decision."

He stilled under her embrace but after a long moment he sighed and nodded. "Okay."

He started slowly, laying out the details, reminding her of the time he practically ordered her to fly to New Hampshire for security reasons. She tensed as she contemplated what her reality would have been had the White House really been the target as opposed to the Golden Gate Bridge and if the planned attack had been successful.

He outlined the evidence they had lined up, finally ready to call the justice department and then the last minute crushing realization that no court or law would enable the man to be dealt with judiciously. The crushing fear that there was a being out there dedicated to wrecking havoc on the American people and despite all the might of the presidency at his disposal Jed was powerless to stop him.

Then Fitz and Leo had offered a way. It felt dirty and scary and inherently wrong but wasn't it also inherently wrong to allow this inevitable danger to continue to exist? Fitz and Leo, two men in whom Jed placed all of his trust regarding the military told him this could be justified as an act of war. That Sharif was not a friendly diplomat but an enemy combatant and there were dark corners of the law which allowed him to order the assassination of an enemy combatant without trial or jury.

He told her how he warred with it, waiting until the very last minute when he finally gave the order. How his doubt had slowly erased as they continued to learn more and more of Sharif's involvement with the Ba'ahi as time passed by but his guilt remained even as his doubt lessened.

She lay quietly against his chest, listening to the tale. She was still a long time after he finished until finally she squeezed him and nodded. "Yeah."

He hooked a finger under her chin so he could see her face..

She sighed, "You're right. You had to do it. And if the same scenario were to happen tomorrow then you'd have to do the same thing. You weren't wrong, it was the right thing to do."

Jed froze. Slowly he nodded. "Okay."

She sat up again and looked him the face. "Yeah, it's okay. And so is all that other stuff."

He frowned at her quizzically and she shrugged in response, "This is a sucky-ass job you've got Josiah. That's why it's called 'serving'. Despite everything there is noone else on the planet that I trust to make those terrible decisions more than you. I'm just sad that it costs you so much. The only reason I can restrain myself from begging you to stop is the knowledge that you've got a couple more years to keep doing what you're doing and then those decisions will be someone else's to wrestle with; you'll be free and I'll have you all to myself. And I'll be there but you need to be there too. All I ask of you is to promise that you'll make it through the next 3 years." He moved to protest but she stopped him, "I'm not half as worried about an assassin as I am about you beating yourself up or working yourself into an early grave."

His eyes widened a fraction but he nodded solemnly, "Okay."

She settled onto his chest again and they lay still for a long while.

"Abbey..." He cursed himself for breaking the peace, but he needed to know, "What about you?"

She straightened again and tilted her head in question, "What about me?"

He shrugged, "While I'm being the president for the next three years, what are you going to be doing?"

She sat and seriously contemplated the question, unconsciously drawing shapes on her husband's chest while she thought. "That's a good question Josiah. I don't know. I think it's something we'll need to talk about. I think I need a project of my own, outside the scope of 'First Lady Abigail Bartlett' because I'm not as strong as you, I don't think I can survive having her run my life for the next 3 years... I just don't know what I'm going to do...but we can talk about that."

He nodded thoughtfully, wisely restraining his objection to her self-deprecating comment. She looked him in the eye and planted both hands firmly on his shoulders, "I'll tell you what I do know. I know that I'm going to spend the holiday break with my husband, focusing on mending what we've done to one another these past 6 months. I'm going to continue to be an overprotective mother to my daughter, but I'll do it while living here, with you. At the same time I'm going to take a page out of the Josiah Bartlett playbook; I'm not going to be pushed around anymore. I'm going to be talked to and to be made involved. I'm going to be there for my husband not just in his personal life but professionally as well. I'm going to be supportive and an advisor, I'm going to go with my gut and help you do what you know to be right. How's that sound to you?"

A genuine smile slowly spread across his face, "Sounds good. I think it sounds more than good. I think that's going to be how I'll have any hope of getting through the next 3 years with what's left of my sanity."

She tossed her head back and laughed, "Oh Pumpkin...you lost all that remained of your sanity ages ago. How the heck do you think you ended up taking this job?"

They smiled at warmly at one another and she leaned in and kissed him on the forehead, this time it was without the desperation of earlier, it was just love.

She pushed herself to stand, "Come on Gumdrop. I've had enough of the floor, let's go to bed."

Jed shifted but made no real effort to stand, "I uh, don't think so."

She put her hands on her hips, "What do you mean you don't think so?"

He smirked sheepishly up at her, "I don't think my back is going to let me stand up. I think the floor has vanquished me. I need to stay here forever."

She rolled her eyes and offered her hands to help him up, "I don't think so Mr. President. Come on."

Slowly using her help and leveraging himself on the sofa he managed to fight against his aching muscles and get off the floor. "Man, getting old sucks." He groused.

"Yeah, so does being a stubborn fool. Come on," Abbey reached out, grabbing his hand, "You can take a pill before bed and you'll be fine by morning."

He pouted, "I don't want to take a back pill. Those things make me woozy."

She laughed, "So? Why do you care if you're woozy once you're in bed?"

He shrugged, "I was kind of thinking that it would be nice if maybe we didn't go to sleep for a while after we got in bed."

He threw her an impish grin to which she rolled her eyes and threw her hands in the air. "You are incorrigible, you know that?"

He smirked, "Yeah, but you love me for it."

She stopped walking and pushed herself close to him, "Yes I do. God help me, I really do." She smiled and planted a small kiss on his lips before turning and continuing to saunter to the bedroom, an exaggerated swing to her hips, "Come along Jethro. We're smart people; a sore back and being woozy on Percocet are easy obstacles to overcome if we put our minds to it."

Jed smiled and followed eagerly after; his wife was home.


End file.
